Why should every Christian young adult open-handedly discern, asking God whether He wants to give the gift of vocational singleness or Christian marriage?

First, is the word discernment ever used in the Bible in this specific way? No. But...

As I've previously established, Jesus and Paul are particularly commending permanent Christian celibacy in Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7 (see my Nov 17 & 22, 2021 posts for more).

Scripture also teaches that our calling is given to us by God. In Matt 19 Jesus says only those given the gift of marriage/celibacy will accept the calling and Christ's difficult teachings, respectively.

In 1 Cor 7 Paul says God gives the gift of vocational singleness to some and Christian marriage to others, warning Christians not to commit to either without the gift/calling.

Additionally, all of us are born into a temporary state of abstinence and discernment. None of us are born defaulted to vocational singleness or Christian marriage.

So if we must step into one of those vocations to receive the gift, both vocations are permanent, God has a preference and is calling us, and we're not supposed to just take what we want—how do we learn God's preference?

How do we hear His call? How do we know which path to step toward? How do we make sure we consider this question carefully?

Discernment!

Scripture leaves an undeniably discernment-shaped hole, and the Church has consistently encouraged every Christian young adult to seek God's preference.

However, there are some reasonable objections…

1. Why not just continue in temporary singleness? Why commit?

Vocational singles can make longterm plans with spiritual family and invest deeply in kingdom work, while others may only be able to make short-term plans and invest less deeply because they need to be prepared to reorganize their lives around a future marriage.

There aren't any Scripture passages commending or blessing temporary singleness. In order to receive the gift from God to do vocational singleness well, we have to step out of temporary singleness and commit.

To be clear, there are exceptions to the rule. God leads some to continue discerning in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. He intends for some to continue open-handed for a lifetime. Our churches should honor and support all faithful singles.

2. But I want to marry and have kids. That must be God's desire.

Most of the celibate Protestants and Catholics I know still experienced a healthy desire for marriage, sex, and children before committing to singleness for the Lord, so those desires aren’t an indication of God’s preference.

3. But singleness is too difficult and isn't natural!

In light of the Fall, polyamory and sex without commitment come naturally to us. Celibacy and faithful monogamy do not. None of us inherently have what we need to do either vocation well.

To do either well, we must step fully into vocational singleness or Christian marriage and receive God's bountiful gift to thrive in our vocation.

4. But doesn’t Jesus say “choose” to live like a eunuch for the sake of the kingdom in Matt 19:12?

Agreed! No one should be forced into Christian marriage or vocational singleness. We should only step into either if we're willing to accept related burdens and responsibilities.

But "choosing" doesn’t mean we only have to be single or married if it's our preference. Scripture makes clear that God has a call for us and that we should eventually obey that call. God wants to...

God wants to patiently conform our preferences to His preference.

5. What if we ignore God's preference or never seek it? Are there consequences of not discerning?

I don’t think God will strike down someone’s marriage or celibacy, even if we pursued something contrary to God's preference. I'm confident God wants us to faithfully keep our commitments, and He'll provide the grace to be faithful if we ask for it.

Still, perhaps *some* of the challenges faced by those who didn't pause to discern God's calling may be related to walking a path different than what God knew would be a better fit for us.

6. Why discern if vocational singleness is much less common?

I guestimate that God is calling 90% of people to Christian marriage and 10% of people to vocational singleness. 90% is pretty good odds if you're betting you'll be called to marriage.

But if we all assume marriage, 90% will assume they'e owed it, fail to see it as a gift, take it for granted, and resist the responsibilities of Christian marriage.

And the other 10% will feel cheated.

But, if 100% of people open-handedly discerned, 100% of people would joyfully accept God’s call and faithfully walk it out.