I still struggle with lust, and there's been progress!

During a recent Ask Me Anything, someone asked me how I refrain from gay sex and gay pornography.

As I've shared consistently on this platform and when I speak publicly, I am not perfect. Years ago I struggled mightily with sexual addiction, and while I have experienced significant progress over the past five years, I am still a sinner in desperate need of a savior.

But we are not without hope.

For years, my greatest weakness to both sinful sexual behavior and porn was my phone. I declared that I would read my bible and pray more, hoping those would give me more strength to resist temptation.

But eventually, I looked at porn again or downloaded a dating app.

As I've shared in a previous post, the closet was the perfect breeding ground for many gay people to develop addictions of all kinds, not because we are inherently more likely to be addicts, but because lust was sometimes the only thing we had to numb the pain of the closet.

For addicts like me, more bible study, more prayer, and more willpower just won't cut it. Not because I don't believe God could give me the power to resist, but because those solutions rarely work for addicts, even when they earnestly pursue spiritual solutions.

Many have found recovery spaces to be helpful. I did, for a season.

But the single most effective step I've taken to get back some sexual sobriety has to admit that the temptations from my phone are too powerful for me, and then to ask a friend to add restrictions/software to eliminate the option altogether.

Believe me, I've heard every excuse not to lock down one's devices. I've said them all myself.

But nothing else has worked. Nothing.

Yet thanks to locking down my phone and computer, I've experience greater sobriety over the past five years than any other times in my adult life.

Do I still make mistakes? Sure. The expectation I've set for myself is progress not perfection. That mindset, combined with practical solutions, has led to more sobriety than shame or just trying harder.

P.S. I also meet with an accountability partner weekly, and I am proactive about meeting my intimacy needs in healthy ways. But again, the single most effective step I've taken has been locking down my devices.