Christian leaders need to first prioritize relationship with trans people, build trust, address any mental health challenges unrelated to gender incongruence, and patiently wait for the Holy Spirit to move. But eventually, conversation may get to theological questions. Even more often, cisgender straight Christians press me to answer the question, “Is transition permissible for Christians navigating gender incongruence?” How do I answer that question and others?

The ex-gay movement seemingly died in the 2010s. Exodus International (the umbrella organization of sexual orientation change effort "SOCE" ministries) closed in 2013, admitting that "99.9% of [participants] have not experienced a change in their orientation." By the end of the 2010s, it seemed that evangelical Christians had widely accepted that people don't choose who they're attracted to, SOCEs were harmfully ineffective, and a different solution was needed. But over the past few years, the ex-gay movement appears to be making a comeback.

Last month I went on a walk-and-talk with a guy who'd been following me on Instagram for a while. He messaged me and said he'd almost given up hope, but he thought he'd give it a chance and reach out to me. As we crisscrossed the neighborhood, he said he started following me because I posted honestly about my "struggles with sexual purity," as he called it. He was secretly battling addiction and found it refreshing to hear someone speak openly about sexual addiction, gay desire, rooting out sin, and chasing after Jesus...

A few months ago someone online accused me of sex-shaming and asked, “What’s so wrong with watching pornography, anyway?” I knew the Sunday school answer, but this person was marginally Christian and genuinely seeking a convincing rationale.

Pastors and Christian leaders often ask me what seems like a bit of a sensationalist “what if” question: They ask, “What if a same-sex married couple with kids starts coming to your church, all of them become Christians, and the couple both become convinced of historic sexual ethics? What do they do next?”

People on the left who disagree with gay Christians like me (who hold a historic sexual ethic) often accuse us of internalized homophobia. While they intend to discredit our beliefs with this accusation—suggesting we're only committed to God's wisdom because of deep-seated shame, they're right (in part). I've definitely been haunted by internalized homophobia...

Do any of your friends identify as pansexual? Over the past year, I've increasingly noticed teens, celebrities, and some Christians identifying as pan or pansexual. I've read the internet definitions, and as someone who teaches about sexuality for a living I'm supposed to know what it means to be pan, with precision. But I'm gonna be honest. I feel a little lost.

I recently shared about my ongoing sexual addiction recovery. And I’ve posted in the past about the fact that same-sex attraction does not inherently lead to sexual addiction. But it’s true that gay people struggle with sexual addiction at higher rates than some other populations. Why? The closet.

In college and post-grad when Christian leaders shared testimonies about what they used to struggle with and celebrated God's provision, it was often implied (if not directly stated) that they no longer struggled. I remember internally asking, "At all? All of the temptation is gone? You never slip up ever? Even a little?" I never believed it. Do you? Sometimes I worry that I unintentionally send the same signals.

You may have seen this demotivational poster of St. Sebastian in the background of one of my recent videos. I read about something similar in Eve Tushnet’s book “Tenderness” and I couldn’t resist designing and printing a version for myself. The sarcasm and double meaning are deeply satisfying.

I recently posted a video sharing why I think God's wisdom for our sexualities is worth following (Proverbs 4:6-7, Matthew 7:24-25). I made a passing comment at the start of the video that I don't believe gay sex is a salvation issue. Some were surprised, so I wanted to explain.

You guys know that I don’t think our beliefs or behavior around sexual ethics is a salvation issue. There are people I disagree with about gay marriage, gay romance, and gay sex who will be in heaven. I recently shared about that at a church. While the head pastor and I were later debriefing the training, he asked me an honest question: if it’s not a salvation issue, why not just be with a man? Why not have your cake and eat it too?

When I play back the tape on a lot of conversations from the past decade that ended in others feeling unheard, disrespected, and misunderstood, many of them would have gone better if I had just chosen to turn the cheek. But turning the cheek is hard for me. Maybe it's difficult for you, too. To be clear, when Jesus talks about turning the cheek, he's talking about responding to insult. He's referring to times when someone offends you or falsely accuses you. But I'm probably not a victim as often as I think I am.

Why would an lgbt+ person every want to attend my church? particularly if they're not a Christian and disagree with our sexual ethics? Honestly, that's a pretty universal question: Why would anyone want to be a part of a church that calls him or her to inconvenient stewardship of any kind?

How do you share the gospel with an LGBT+ person? In the same way you share the gospel with anyone else! LGBT+ people don’t need a different type of gospel or a different type of Jesus. Sometimes people respond, "Well, I guess I honestly don't know how to share the gospel with anyone unless the Holy Spirit has kind of teed me up for an easy home-run." There's no best way to share the gospel, but here's what I've noticed…

Eventually, every conversation about gender ethics and God’s wisdom for trans people seems to get to the point where someone claims, “Well, it’s transition or suicide.” And often, the conversation stops. This matters, because we know 41% of trans people attempt suicide, as compared to 1.6% of the general population. Stats like that demand attention. They can’t be ignored. But should is “transition or suicide” mantra true? Has transition been scientifically proven to reduce suicide risk? Long story short: No. Available research is inconclusive about whether hormonal or surgical transition effectively reduce suicide risk.

Some Christians get mad at me when I respect people’s pronoun and name preferences. Here’s the deal, just because I honor someone’s request doesn’t mean I’m theologically affirming their decisions. It just means that I don’t want terminology to be a barrier to getting to know a trans person.

Classic personality tests like the Big Five OCEAN assessment identify a person’s level of agreeableness. There are both constructive and destructive ways disagreeable people can show up in their families and workplaces. For better and for worse, I'm a disagreeable person.

Pastors will admit to me in private that they hesitate to teach and offer practical support for biblical singleness for the sake of the kingdom, because they’re afraid it’ll lead to even less Christian marriages. I think they’re right to worry about Christian marriage trends, but I don’t think vocational singleness is the enemy.

We’re lonelier than ever. And the way we’re doing friendship isn’t solving the problem. A recent Harvard study showed that 36% of Americans experience extreme loneliness. According to the study, the Pandemic revealed that our social fabric is full of holes. People are falling through the cracks.