Pastors and Christian leaders often ask me what seems like a bit of a sensationalist “what if” question: They ask, “What if a same-sex married couple with kids starts coming to your church, all of them become Christians, and the couple both become convinced of historic sexual ethics? What do they do next?”

I recently shared about my ongoing sexual addiction recovery. And I’ve posted in the past about the fact that same-sex attraction does not inherently lead to sexual addiction. But it’s true that gay people struggle with sexual addiction at higher rates than some other populations. Why? The closet.

In a recent sermon at Calvary the Hill Church in Seattle I shared about the difference between temporary and vocational singleness, and why we should consider vocational singleness instead of living in limbo. Temporary singleness is the default state everyone is born into, whereas vocational singleness is a lifetime vocation of singleness for the sake of doing kingdom work with undivided attention.

I recently posted a video sharing why I think God's wisdom for our sexualities is worth following (Proverbs 4:6-7, Matthew 7:24-25). I made a passing comment at the start of the video that I don't believe gay sex is a salvation issue. Some were surprised, so I wanted to explain.

You guys know that I don’t think our beliefs or behavior around sexual ethics is a salvation issue. There are people I disagree with about gay marriage, gay romance, and gay sex who will be in heaven. I recently shared about that at a church. While the head pastor and I were later debriefing the training, he asked me an honest question: if it’s not a salvation issue, why not just be with a man? Why not have your cake and eat it too?

Some Christians are theologically convinced that gay romance/sex are sins, but deep down they still feel like people need romance to be happy. Deep down, it doesn’t feel fair that celibacy often seems like the only option God offers to gay people. Some earnestly wonder whether God is asking gay people to sacrifice more than other Christians and whether that’s good.

Why would an lgbt+ person every want to attend my church? particularly if they're not a Christian and disagree with our sexual ethics? Honestly, that's a pretty universal question: Why would anyone want to be a part of a church that calls him or her to inconvenient stewardship of any kind?

How do you share the gospel with an LGBT+ person? In the same way you share the gospel with anyone else! LGBT+ people don’t need a different type of gospel or a different type of Jesus. Sometimes people respond, "Well, I guess I honestly don't know how to share the gospel with anyone unless the Holy Spirit has kind of teed me up for an easy home-run." There's no best way to share the gospel, but here's what I've noticed…

Checkout this chapel offered at Asbury Theological Seminary exploring God's true, good, and beautiful for gay people. Many Christians are theologically convinced of historic sexual ethics, but what we believe to be true doesn’t seem to be leading to good and beautiful in the lives of the LGBT+ people we know. As Christians, we have an inherent sense that what’s true should also be good and beautiful. So how do we make that a reality for the LGBT+ people we love?

Eventually, every conversation about gender ethics and God’s wisdom for trans people seems to get to the point where someone claims, “Well, it’s transition or suicide.” And often, the conversation stops. This matters, because we know 41% of trans people attempt suicide, as compared to 1.6% of the general population. Stats like that demand attention. They can’t be ignored. But should is “transition or suicide” mantra true? Has transition been scientifically proven to reduce suicide risk? Long story short: No. Available research is inconclusive about whether hormonal or surgical transition effectively reduce suicide risk.

Some Christians get mad at me when I respect people’s pronoun and name preferences. Here’s the deal, just because I honor someone’s request doesn’t mean I’m theologically affirming their decisions. It just means that I don’t want terminology to be a barrier to getting to know a trans person.

Pastors will admit to me in private that they hesitate to teach and offer practical support for biblical singleness for the sake of the kingdom, because they’re afraid it’ll lead to even less Christian marriages. I think they’re right to worry about Christian marriage trends, but I don’t think vocational singleness is the enemy.

We’re lonelier than ever. And the way we’re doing friendship isn’t solving the problem. A recent Harvard study showed that 36% of Americans experience extreme loneliness. According to the study, the Pandemic revealed that our social fabric is full of holes. People are falling through the cracks.

How can Christians compassionately care for trans Christians? First, adopt a general posture of empathy and compassion. God made trans people in His image, and we must treat trans people with the dignity and respect every Imago Dei deserves…

I've had a couple of people ask me how straight affirming allies make me feel. To be honest, they make my life harder and I think they’re misguided…

Pope Francis made another controversial announcement about sexuality yesterday, suggesting surrogacy should be banned. A bit confusing, at least for some, right?

Watch my lifetime commitments to NFOB and vocational singleness, check out some early reflections, and read articles along my journey to lifetime commitments.

Christians need to be able to make a winsome, positive case for a historic sexual ethic. But sometimes you get an email or someone knocks on your door, and the conversation goes something like, ”Yeah, I understand your arguments for a historic sexual ethic, but what about…” and they go on to list one of the convincing arguments for a revisionist sexual ethic. How can you respond?

What is the vocational singleness that Jesus and Paul invited every Christian to consider? Is it still a call to family? How does one discern whether they’re called to vocational singleness?

Over the past year, Equip has partnered with Jesse White, a seminary-trained Christian leader who has been faithfully stewarding his own gender incongruence. Together, we’ve developed a brand-new resource to help pastors and Christians navigate this conversation in their communities: Equip's new Gender Incongruence Course is a 4-session resource that (1) helps Christian leaders and parents think empathetically and theologically about gender incongruence and (2) equips Christian leaders and parents to offer God’s love and wisdom to trans* people.