Is giving up gay romance a sacrifice?

Is God asking me to do without something good? Something I need?

The short answer is, no.

God's wisdom in Scripture for what will bring goodness vs. pain in my life isn't arbitrary. God didn't intend for me to be gay, notice that I'd want gay sex, and then draw a boundary around gay sex to test me.

Instead, He ordered the world perfectly, humans chose sin, and every aspect of this world bent. Then God looked around and warned us about what would bring us pain vs. true pleasure.

God's original order shines through the bent-ness. Why did God order the world in a way that gay sex/romance isn't His best for me? I don't know.

But because God loves me, He has shown me what is inherently good for me and will inherently bring me pain. He urges me to pursue what is good. He cautions me against what is broken.

So complying with God's wisdom by giving up gay sex/romance isn't a sacrifice. It's a blessing.

Leaning into God's design for me and my need for relationship is what will bring me the greatest meaning and truest joy. God guides me toward those best things.

Now some will respond, "Are you saying everything about gay relationships is bad?!"

No.

My hunch is that, in part, healthy friendship can be found in many gay romances. The friendship aspects of those relationships are good! And that particular part doesn't have to be sacrificed.

God isn't asking me to give up anything that is truly good for me. He beckons me to enter into intimate, lifelong friendships with men and women, without the need for romance or sex.

Ultimately, I'm grateful for God's warnings of painful paths, and I joyfully follow God's invitation to truly life-giving relationships.

If not a sacrifice, why is gay celibacy so difficult?

I want to be clear: being a gay Christian committed to a traditional sexual ethic is painful & difficult for (+most faithful gay Christians).

BUT that's not because God is depriving me of something I need, something good (He isn't).

It's not because vocational singleness is inherently more difficult than faithful Christian marriage (it isn't).

It's not because vocational singleness or MOMs for gay Christians *have* to be more difficult than faithful sexual stewardship for straight people (they don't).

Our callings are difficult because of how poorly the Church has embodied a traditional sexual ethic:

1. Parents+pastors don't know how to minister to us, so they either minister poorly or make us feel more broken by shipping us off to therapists/parachurch ministries

2. Churches fail to invite everyone to God-honoring sexual stewardship, tolerating straight sexual unfaithfulness and making it inevitable for us to adopt a victim mentality

3. Out of homophobia+weakness, parents/pastors wait to talk about sexuality until after teens come out (after 5 years in the closet alone with the lies of the Enemy+culture, leading to loneliness, anxiety, shame, depression, sexual sin, addiction, suicidality, and loss of faith)

4. Churches speak poorly about God's wisdom for gay people (or are silent, at best)

5. Churches are embarrassed of MOMs (or oversell them) and fail to support them well

6. And last but *certainly* not least, pastors fail to invite straight people to consider the singleness of Jesus and Paul, plus fail to develop practical opportunities for committed singles in their churches to find permanent, lived-in human family

If you're a straight Christian: don't judge gay people until your church has corrected these 6 failures.

If you're a gay person committed to a traditional sexual ethic: you're not destined for greater suffering, but don't wait around for straight Christians to make it better—do it yourself.