Sadness and insecurity at my brother's wedding

I’ve bragged about the extra effort my brother and sister-in-law made to include me in their wedding.

That's still true.

And by no fault of there's, the wedding was still difficult at times.

While noticing people dressed up and the beautiful music, I was reminded that my lifetime commitments to vocational singleness won't be taken that seriously.

Later when parts of the ceremony highlighted the beauty of marriage, I couldn't help wonder if I was a fool for giving up marriage and romance and sex.

I cried and begged God to reassure me, "Please, tell me it will be worth it. Tell me it will be worth it. Tell me vocational singleness will be worth it."

By the end of the weekend, I was also tired of being around "normal" people. I take for granted that I spend most of my time around gay Christians leveraging their singleness for the kingdom.

Instead I was surrounded by straight people on autopilot to get married and make as much money as they can. I felt a weird mix of insecurity, jealousy, and weariness.

All in all, Gabe and Laura's wedding was AMAZING and I am so thankful for their marriage. I'm grateful I was able to give a toast (link in bio) to the ways their marriage will share the gospel.

But weddings are still difficult for me. Maybe they always will be.