Do we need sex or romance?
I joined Vanderbilt Medical Christian Fellowship for a conversation about faith and intimacy. I suggested that none of us *have to have* romance or sex to meet our intimacy needs.
What do we need?
Imagine a set of intimacy buckets that we attempt to fill each day. God made us mind, body, and spirit, so we need emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual connection.
1️⃣ Emotional intimacy = convo that helps you connect with gladness, fear, anger, or sadness in yourself and notice those in others
2️⃣ Spiritual intimacy = connection that makes you feel more connected to God by talking about spiritual things, reading Scripture together, or worshipping together
3️⃣ Intellectual intimacy = exchanging and exploring ideas with another person
4️⃣ Physical intimacy = a hug, holding hands, sitting next to each other on the couch, putting your arm around someone’s shoulder, and yes for some, kissing and cuddling and sex
Some argue there's a fifth must-have bucket labeled “sexual.” That we all need sexual intimacy to be whole.
But I know plenty of people who've never had sex and still have vibrant social lives, rich intimacy, and a satisfying experience of community.
That’s been true in my life! The healthy emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual intimacy I have experienced in friendships has been much more satisfying than the broken physical intimacy I have experienced in the past.
Plus, the Bible doesn’t teach that we need sex or marriage to be whole people. Quite the opposite. Jesus didn’t have sex. Paul was committed to celibacy. Many of the mothers and fathers of the Church have been celibate.
Jesus even says that in Heaven, there won’t be any more marriage, sex, or bearing children.
So God provides a good chunk of our spiritual intimacy. Married people will partially fill those buckets with intimacy from their marriage.
But, even if you’re married, God and your spouse alone won’t fill your intimacy needs buckets. You will still need emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual intimacy from friendship.
What do you think? Do we need romance or sex? How do you meet your intimacy needs in healthy ways?
