HOW to discern vocational singleness & Christian marriage

In previous posts we established that Jesus and Paul are particularly commending permanent singleness in Matt 19 and 1 Cor 7.

Later we explained WHY every Christian young adult should open-handedly discern between vocational singleness and Christian marriage, seeking God's preference for each of our lives.

But HOW can we discern?

While the following aren't a step-by-step roadmap for discovering God's calling, there are time-tested ingredients for wise discernment:

1️⃣ Practice general Christian discernment
Before discerning between vocational singleness and Christian marriage, first develop your spiritual muscles for general Christian discernment.

Learn how to bring a question before God, consider Scripture, consider practical aspects of your question, seek advice from spiritual mentors, arrive at a potential conclusion, hold that conclusion before God, seek confirmation through small steps, and move forward with confidence.

2️⃣ Remove emotional/mental barriers
Ensure you have a healthy theological understanding of both vocational singleness and marriage. Work with a therapist to remove any psychological barriers to either vocation that might bias you against either.

3️⃣ Consider your kingdom work calling
If you feel like the primary work you’ve been called to is to raise children for God, then you’re probably called to marriage. Or if you feel called to work that might be mutually exclusive with raising children, then you’re probably called to vocational singleness. Most, however, don't feel a strong calling to either.

4️⃣ Examine past/current circumstances
Have any experiences from your past pointed you toward one vocation or another? Or perhaps you find yourself single later in life and ask, “I am still single not by accident, but because God has called me to vocational singleness?”

5️⃣ Get support from a spiritual director (+others)
Find a spiritual director to guide your discernment process. Seek outside perspective from friends, family, parents, pastors, and mentors by asking them to pray and process with you.

6️⃣ Take your time
Give yourself multiple years to intentionally discern using the ingredients above. I've intentionally discerned for at least 3.5 years and will discern for another 1.5 years before considering making commitments.

Discernment isn't simple. Each of these ingredients deserves an essay.

Which of these ingredient feels hardest to employ?

Learn more at https://www.pieterlvalk.com/blog/church-support-for-vocational-singleness