Should you treat your gay friend like someone of the opposite sex?

Naomi Vacaro and I recently discussed this and other questions in a conversation about faith and sexuality.

I get this question a lot.

Well-intentioned friends want to love their gay friends. They take precautions to "guard the heart" of people of the opposite sex who might be attracted to them, so they wonder if they ought to take the same precautions with gay people who might be attracted to them?

Here's the problem, if my guy friends (most of whom I'm not actually attracted to) treat me differently in ways that leave me feeling less connected and more ashamed, their efforts might actually increase my experience of my attractions.

Let me explain.

In my experience, when I'm meeting my needs for same-sex friendships in healthy ways, I find my same-sex attractions easier to dismiss and resist. But when I feel less than, shame, or distance, my same-sex attractions are more difficult to dismiss.

Nothing actually changes about my same-sex attractions, but my capacity to resist temptation varies with how well I'm meeting my intimacy needs in healthy ways.

So if you rough-house with other people and rough-housed with me before learning I was gay, keep doing that.

If you spend one-on-one time with other people and got one-on-one's with me before learning I was gay, keep doing that.

If you feel comfortable hanging around the house in your boxers or skinny-dipping with other people, don't treat me differently now that you know I'm gay.

Because if you treat me differently, you're more likely to inflame my heart than guard it. And I'll notice.

Plus, straight guys, don't flatter yourselves. If I really want to look at shirtless or naked people, I could find much more attractive men on the internet.

Watch/listen to the recording for the rest of my conversation with Naomi Vacaro.