I've had a couple of people ask me how straight affirming allies make me feel.

I might push back for two reasons:
First, because it's misguided.
Research has shown that pray-the-gay-away theology doubles the risk of suicide and doesn't lead to meaningful sexual orientation change, so yes, let's reject that, but research has shown following a compassionate historic sexual ethic to lead to normal healthy levels of mental health in gay Christians and higher than average life satisfaction.

Whereas a lot of the gay Christians I know who've moved to a revisionist sexual ethic don't call themselves Christians anymore after 3-5 years, for a variety of reasons that I've discussed before.

It seems like if we're looking for the best solution for gay Christians, it's not pray-the-gay-away theology or a revisionist sexual ethic

The second reason it's problematic is that it makes it a lot harder for people like me when you adopt a revisionist sexual ethic. When I'm struggling with sexual temptations or tempted to abandon a historic sexual ethic, I need my straight Christians friends to be strong for me to reassure me that God's wisdom is true and to give me the strength to press on. If instead my straight friends have already moved to a revisionist sexual ethic even thought it costs them much less and they respond to my struggles by saying, "well, maybe you should just abandon historic sexual ethics. I have." It's not loving or helpful, it's disorienting, it piles onto my doubt, it's crushing.

So, if you want God's very best for the gay people you love, I urger you not to fall into the trap of conflating a historic sexual ethic with pray-the-gay away theology, or grab for a revisionist sexual ethic that might end up being just as destructive in the lives of the gay people you love. Instead, hold fast to the middle way that leads to mental health and thrive.

Then get involved in the work of making our churches places where LGBT+ people can belong and thrive according to a historic sexual ethic it's possible! The reason why we don't see it now is that few churches have actually tried it. What if yours did? and what if you helped them?

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