“You can call me in an emergency” isn’t family

There’s a big difference between “call me in an emergency” family and everyday family. Let’s face it, any day without committed lived-in family is an emergency.

While “emergency” family have good intentions, they’re only offering reactive and temporary support that ceases after the emergency.

Before making lifetime commitments to my brotherhood, it often felt like I could only get help if I was in a crisis. I lived an existence of prolonged loneliness, punctuated by short-term family in moments of emergency.

Single moms in my life share that they’ve got plenty of emergency family who swoop in for a night to care in crisis. But then these knights in shining armor go back to their “normal” lives. And the single mom goes back to the everyday emergency of raising kids alone and living without adult human companionship.

No one is willing to provide real family by stepping into the slow, never-ending emergency. No one is willing to move in with her or have her move in with them. No one is willing to have a true open door policy and promises never to move away.

Single people, regardless of children, get caught in a cycle of never ending self-advocacy with unpredictable results. Sometimes we’re told we can “call anytime” only to realize that this statement meant, “call anytime, and I’ll respond when it’s convenient for my family.” Sometimes it seems easier to learn to never be in need.

We all need people we can call in emergencies; and I’m grateful for those in my life (and the lives of single moms I know).

We also need true family that includes us in the everyday rhythm of their lives. But as every married person knows, real family requires sacrifice.

Marrieds: what sacrificial steps could you take this holiday season (that continue long after Christmas) to offer more than just emergency family to the single people in your life?